131 - Why Can't You Come?
Jan 15, 2024
Welcome, I am so excited for you to be here. Today, we are going to be talking about what it is like we're coming up on the holidays. And this is a constant question that happens. Why can't you come? So my name is Nick Brown, and I am the founder of cooking physics. And I am so glad that you are here to be with me. So today, the best thing is, is that we are coming up on the holidays, we just barely got through Thanksgiving. And now we're gonna get into the holidays. And it's just gonna get busier and busier and busier. Now, I work in the ski industry. And this time, things get absolutely crazy. And so, constantly, my, my wife is like, going into family events, and I missing them out. And she said they're going, she's like, they always have these questions like, oh, where's your husband? Like, oh, he's working. And then sometimes it comes back and like, I can't you ever come to these kinds of activities? Why can't you meet up with the family? Why can't you do this? Why can't you do that? Why can't you come. And so over the years, it's been a little difficult, but we've managed to figure out how to manage these activities, how to be able to be there, enough that she understands what's going on. And so the important thing is, is that I want to share this with you what it is and how we can make this work when this industry, because we're all about making sure that things are going well, right? So we're talking about, you know, the regret, and the guilt that happens, as we're missing on these activities, we really want to be there. But the problem is, is that we can't, we can't always make it. And sometimes that just makes you feel bad. Because what's your most important part, my most important thing is family. That's one of my most important values. Work is not one of those important values up there. The family is, but I understand that in order to provide for my family, I need to work, I need to be there. Okay. And so where do we draw that line? Where do we draw it? Figure out? Where do we go? Like, how far how much do we work on this kind of stuff, so that we can provide for the family without missing out on our family. And it's just, it's just a feeling of being torn apart. I mean, do you feel like that, like, sometimes you're just like, you're never able to go as much as you want to just, I can't make it, I can't make it. And you feel that torn, you can. And at times this begins to feel like, like you're isolated, like, there's nothing that you can do about it right? And you it really kind of tears you up inside. This kind of stuff builds in that stress, it starts building that stress, and a feeling of just being dis unattached to your family. And it can begin to strain the relationships, there's been times where I'm sure you felt the same way. Where you just don't feel as close to your family as he used to sometimes, especially during these times. That frustration can lead to misunderstandings and to hurt feelings and, and that sense of neglect of you as a father as a mother with the rest of your family. And because of that, it really just kind of can build up. And if we don't address it, if we don't figure out how to manage it, and how to make it work, things are going to start disintegrating because those family events, those family activities, really build those shared memory memories. And we want to build that family bond and we want to build that. And if we don't have that we can start to feel that detachment, that loss. And if that happens too much, and that perpetual imbalance, where things just are always at work or always at work and always at work, then I mean it, it can be a huge deterrent to, you know, either go to work, or a huge return to to go home. And so we need to figure out how do you figure it how do you manage that? How do you do that? And that's what I'm going to be talking about today. Okay, so it's all about making that sure that there is a harmony. Now, I want you to kind of realize that this is something that's near and dear to me, because I love music. And if our lives are not within that harmony within that ability to kind of grow and develop, then things are gonna go, things might not turn out very well. So here's what I want to do real quick. I'm going to switch over to this. How many of you, have you ever gone to an orchestra concert? Okay, with a full on orchestra. And the first thing they do is they start tuning their instruments. And when they start tuning their missiles, everybody's playing the same thing, everybody's doing the same thing, okay. And it's just kind of noise. It's, it's not too bad, but it's just kind of noise. And when I think about that difference between balance, like a work life balance, and a work life harmony, is the difference between those two things. A work life balance, if you're trying to balance and having everything the same level, at the same time, you know, and just kind of juggling everything and just having that full on balance. It's like that first part of the orchestra when they're tuning, everybody's playing their own thing. Everybody's playing about the same level, and everybody's doing their own thing, you know, and, and they're all trying to kind of balance together. And so I'm going to play this little clip for you. And I want you to kind of see what it is that I and what I'm talking about. Okay. Oh, hold on a second here. I thought I had this good. All right. Bom, Bom. Let's take that, there we go. All right.
Everything's kind of same level. There's little things here, there, but it's just kind of noise.
All right, so. So that's kind of gonna hear that it's just kind of just kind of noise. And there's no real good kind of stuff. But if you go to a symphony, and then you hear them play the piece. It is absolutely amazing. And what's the difference between the two? They're all still playing. You know, there's lots of points where they're all still playing. But what is the difference in that? It's that harmony. It's that figuring out what things are important at what periods in time, and understanding that as the holidays happen, you know, work starts to increase in importance. And then the offseason starts to happen, and then your family can start to increase. But then there's times that there's multiple chefs. And so are you able to give this chef? A little bit of time off to go to a family event? Are you able to do that? Are you able to do this, okay, so we're going to be talking about that, in, in our lives, each aspect of our lives is part is like an instrument, okay? And so, if we are diligent in making sure that we are, you know, putting the most important things first, and making sure that they don't stay first for too long. So that we can put the next most important thing and the next most important thing, and kind of juggle the things as we're doing that harmony, that's when we begin to start having a fulfillment of our lives, we start to be able to sit down at that feast that's in front of us and just just eat because everything is all about that harmony. And if you can figure out that harmony, your life is going to be a whole lot more meaningful and more fulfilled. You'll be able to maintain that passion that you have in your life. So I've been talking a little bit about my my six rules for chefs. Okay? They are taste everything. Focus on your mise en place, understand the power of three. Maintain a clean and organized area. Surround yourself with support and serve with intention. Now, each one As those things is going to, I'm going to talk about each one of those things really briefly, and how that can help you, as you were coming up into these holiday season, and to help you during any busy season that is going on in your life. So let's talk about the taste everything. When you're a chef, you taste everything, okay? You figure out and you so sit there and you focus and you understand what that flavor is the nuances of the flavor. As you're, as you're making your dishes, you're tasting it, as you're going to make sure that those nuances are going correctly, the way that you want to go, the same thing needs to happen in your personal life. As you are dealing with your family and things like that, you'd need to be present. You need to sit there and be like, learn from that. And taste life and be present and be there. Just as when you're cooking, you're learning all of the different flavors. The same thing happens when you're tasting life. With your family, you learn what's working, and what's not. And you take the things that are working and you and you accentuate those, okay. The next thing is about focusing on your mise en place, making sure everything is ready before you everything is set, so that when it's time to go, you are ready to go. The same thing kind of happens with your family life. Okay? Being able to prepare in advance, be able to create that time for family events, plan them ahead, okay? Put that into your life. Get it ready, create it, actually have it, they're set ready to go. Take that time, and use that ability that you have of taking this huge prep list and focusing on each one each thing that needs to happen, figuring out which things are going to take the longest and get those started. Do that multitasking during that prep sheet prep time. As you're getting your mise en place ready, do the same thing within your personal life. Figure out what things can do you need to do first, what is the most important, pull that forward and do those kinds of things, okay? You're going to miss some family events, we can't hit every single one of them. So what the thing is, is we need to figure out which ones are the most important. And utilize strategies to be able to alleviate that emotional strain and the emotional impact that happens when we're when we're working. And we're trying to, you know, fit everything in that we want to fit in the power of three. The Power of Three is a focus in three different areas on three different timelines. And what that is, is your professional, your personal and your passion on the timelines of a short term, and the long term and the grand vision. So all of those things that power of three, the power of be able to focus on those kinds of things. Understand, when you're prepping, you're always trying to prep for like three days out, right? You're always trying to plan and get things ready. So that regardless of what happens, you're always have everything ready to go. Same thing happens within your family life. Plan out what's going on in advance. Let your employers know what's going on. Figure out with your co workers in advance how you're going to juggle and make sure that everything happens. If you are respectful if your co workers. If you're spent respectful of the people that work for you, when you're scheduling, and you let them know, you will have less of that. Last minute I quit last minute, I'm sick to these to the big events which derail the entire team. Let them understand that, hey, we are planning this and this, you're going to be working this days, this is the time you're going to be working. Okay? This is the plan. Now, if you mess up if you can't be there, and if you don't show up, you're going to cause all of these other people who have also made plans to be to have to cancel their plans. And you need to realize that you're not more important than that. Now, I understand you're going to miss this because of the schedule, but I'm going to make sure that you're they're going to be give you the same courtesy on the next holiday. Okay? And make sure that that is understood throughout the entire team. And if that is as you build that team, and you understand and you plan those things ahead of time, then you're you're team will be able to plan their family events as well. And they'll be able to trust that everybody else has got their back. I got you during this holiday, you got me during the next holiday. And understand that and appreciate that.
Okay. The other thing that you can do is start to plan different traditions. Understand that Thanksgiving may not always happen on Thanksgiving for you and your family.
There's been times where I've done Thanksgiving, you know, whatever day I ended up having off, that's when we did our Thanksgiving. When the kids were really young, and they didn't really understand what the 25th of December was, we would have Christmas, on whatever day I was off. Like, hey, tomorrow's Christmas, you know, they didn't really understand that the 25th it only works for the first couple of years. But it made it special for me, okay. That maintain the rule number four, maintain a clean and organized area. This one is big, when it comes to those misunderstandings, when it comes to those frustrations when it comes to that just feeling of like, why can't you come make sure that you are communicating really clearly, with your family, with your friends, on the reasons why you may not be able to make it that time. Let them understand that what it is you're doing, like I'm working so that everybody else can go out. You know, understand that the the work commitments and the family commitments, sometimes they're going to clash. And you got to figure out which one is more important at which time in your life. The next thing is you need to be able to practice self care on yourself. To be able to manage that that emotional strain that's going on, as your you know, those competing interests, make sure that you are allocating enough time during the week. And outside of those family events, so that they understand how much you appreciate them, how much you love them, and why. And understand let them understand that you're not doing this because you're trying to avoid them. Okay, the next part, rule number five, surround yourself with support. Now, this is really important, because if you surround yourself with the support that you have, then people will be there to be able to understand people will be there to help you out. And they'll lift you up, and they'll give you, you know, they'll give you a shoulder to sit there and just just complain and just let it off your chest. Being there and having that support. It has taken several years. But my spouse, my wife, she understands that these are kind of just how the things are. And she understands that I am doing everything that I can to be there. So if I manage to have that day off, I am 100% There. Okay, and making sure that they understand that making sure that my friends understand that and that they support me making talking to my employees, talking to my employers, and, and making sure that they both understand what I am expecting of them, and what I what they are expecting of me. And as long as that communication and that support is there, things will turn out a lot better. And the final thing is serve with intention. Make sure that when you are working on the holidays, that you are serving with intention that you are giving your best. Serve with intention. If you have to work that holiday, make sure that you give it your best and you're there so that the other people don't have to work. If you're able to be home, serve with intention your family let them know how much you appreciate them. And give them to your all when you're doing that. These commoner rules can really help offer guidance as you are trying to juggle and maintaining that harmony between your personal and your professional lives. So take this time, take what I've taught you and really begin to understand what it is and how much I really appreciate everything that you guys do. And get out there and serve. Help each other out. Be great, be amazing.